i just nid a listening ear,
a ear that would listen
and understand my intentions.
but no ones there.

i was really sad about wad tpst said bout me this afternoon.
in the past ppl said that i have no goals.
i fail subjects like no body's business and even proud of it.
praise god that when i came to a realisation, i was saved.
i heard frm mdm lau that half the class failed chem test
and i was really afraid.
when i told tpst, she said that i always sure pass want why worry so much,
u always give urself so much pressure even ur napfa u oso can cry!
my heart broke when i heard that frm her.
i guess only amk popos would understand why im so afraid of failing because i have failed enough.
ENOUGH.
i have expectations of myself and i dun want to let myself down like b4.
its no secret that i smoke, i skip skool and was rebellious im not gonna let it happen again.
for some one like me, napfa is self acheivement and i feel good getting what i can acheive.
is it wrong to feel sad and cry?
she probably did not realise the disappointment i faced when chen and hanim say i cannot re-run.
is it wrong to have expectations, it is wrong to haf goals..


then for some reasons i left kfc and i sat at the station seeing trains go by.
each time i dun see u, i say i just wait for one more train.
one more becum two, two more becum three.
then i saw the dunno how many train flash pass with them inside.
we were at both ends.
tears again just flow for no purpose.
fought, foul language, and every fuck shit u can think of happen at sbw.
there's always an end.
and i just dunno when's the real "FINISH"
u say u care, u say u're sorry.
but did u see the attitude u gave?
not a phone call at all and u expect mi to reply those msg?
it simply shows nth but u simply do not care..
i did everything i could to suppress the anger,
be it too much, be it too agressive,
i did not feel good either.


set me free ; im cold and im shamed